No goodbyes

I did not say goodbye to Mommy.

When the men were about to seal her tomb, her immediate family lined up to throw flowers into the compartment that would be home to her remains.

But I had distanced myself, watching from under a Sampaguita tree on the rotunda nearby. I had slipped away, unable to bear any more grief even as the tears would not stop flowing. I could not see clearly. I felt a heaviness that threatened to crush my chest and arrest breathing. 

I felt, rather than saw, my sisters look around for me and I shook my head, crumpling my handkerchief into my mouth to stop my sobs from becoming audible, even as they shook my body. A friend I’d last seen in high school put an arm around me, which brought me back and gave me enough control to mutter a miserable “thank you”. 

Mommy would not have approved of such behavior. She was made of iron. When Daddy died, I barely saw her cry. Instead, she entertained visitors, and attended to and gave directions on what needed to be done. She was tireless, strong and there.

I was fine when I rushed home upon learning of her death since I was immediately thrown into a whirlwind of things that had to be done. From the airport, I went straight to the funeral parlor where I took over from my sister and oversaw Mommy’s body being transported to the chapel where her wake would be held. 

I remember my first sight of her. It was her and yet, not her. My mommy did not look anything like this thin, stern-looking being whose hair had been flattened to her skull and whose cheeks were painted red, making her look grotesque. I frowned and tried fluffing her hair with my fingers to make it look more natural. I asked those attending to her to reduce the redness on her cheeks and her lips. 

No tears threatened to flow in my determination to make her look as she would have liked. There was nothing I could do to disguise how thin she had become just before she died so I was just relieved that Mommy had insisted on a closed coffin. 

I felt lost inside the chapel. I’d never organized a wake. When Daddy died, Mommy took care of everything. Now, it was her wake and I had no idea what to do. Our eldest, overcome by grief and fatigue, showed up at a hospital emergency room instead of the chapel and I was alone. Our youngest was busy with life and family.

That night, it was just her body and me, but I did not feel her presence. After my friends from the newspaper left a little after midnight, I prayed and wondered if I really wanted her to contact me. And what I would do if she did. I tried but could not sleep so I started collating all her photos to show at her wake. The morning light had already filled the room by the time I was done.

After that, my sisters and I went through the days, fumbling through the wake. We were lost. Our rock had gone. We made do, but I think we did not do as good a job as Mommy would have done. I certainly did not. I failed her when I refused to deliver the eulogy at her burial mass, not knowing she had stipulated it in her will. I could not have done it anyway. My sister, Tina, was amazing. She did it for all of us, and she did a great job.

So many people came to pay their respects and kept us occupied. It was only during the nightly celebrations of the Holy Eucharist that I would weaken and allow the tears to roll down my face to unload the grief that I somehow kept at bay. I looked over at my sisters with their heads bowed, and they were doing just the same.

I didn’t know where Mommy was, only that she was not there. I could not feel her. I don’t know what I expected. All this talk of Heaven was comforting, but all I could feel was this total, overwhelming loss. I could not find her, even if she was bigger than life in the stories of her former students and friends. She was lost to me, never to be found.

She was not there when they started sealing her grave, so I did not say goodbye. How do you say goodbye to someone you so badly but cannot find? How do you cut off someone who’d already left you? How do you stop being a daughter when your mother dies?

I had no answers, so I did not say goodbye.

New school

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I feel sad.

I am preparing for the enrollment of my daughter for the schoolyear 2020-2021. She’s transferring because her old school does not offer her track of choice. Like all schools during this pandemic, her new school offers blended learning - a mix of online and offline methods.

Illustration by Bianca Bagnarelli
for The Economist

We know, though, that we cannot realistically expect face-to-face learning to resume any time soon since a vaccine has not yet been developed. This means she will have very limited interaction with people her age.

I feel sad because my daughter belongs to a generation that will grow up without all the perks (and disadvantages) of spontaneous social interaction in a physical setting.

Quarantine classifications and interventions

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

Everyone in the Philippines is under quarantine, whether it is Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ), Modified ECQ, General Community Quarantine (GCQ) or Modified GCQ.

The Inter-Agency Task Force (IATF) on the management of Emerging Infectious Diseases took back its announcement on Tuesday that areas deemed as low-risk will no longer be placed under any form of community quarantine starting May 16.

This, after the local government officials of these low-risk areas expressed fears of a surge in COVID-19 cases, should all restrictions be relaxed.

So that’s it. Effective May 16, Metro Manila, the Province of Laguna and Cebu City will be placed under Modified ECQ.

Too soon

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

Aside from developments in Manila, I try to keep abreast with news in Cebu, where I have family.

I notice that as of 4 p.m. of May 5, 2020, Cebu City ranks second among cities with the most number of COVID-infected in the country with 920 cases, second to Quezon City’s 1,435 according to data from the Department of Health. 

I call my sister’s attention to the figures and am surprised when she acknowledges the data but says that Cebu City is scheduled to relax its quarantine status from Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) to General Community Quarantine (GCQ) on May 16.

“Tingali baya ug gadahum ka nga mag GCQ na mo (You might be under an illusion that you’re transitioning to GCQ) by May 16,” I respond.

"Caution Fatigue"

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

We went through a three-day weekend since Friday, May 1, was a holiday.

But these days, it just seems like there’s nothing to define holidays from regular days, weekends from weekdays or day from day, if not for night.

Yes, I am getting depressed.

I know I do not show it. I get up and get all the things that need to get done. These days, meals are the only things that break up the day. We have breakfast before hubby starts working; I interrupt him at noon so we can have lunch; he wraps up the day’s work when I call him for dinner.

It’s the same with daughter. I interrupt whatever she is doing for the day for meals. They welcome the breaks. Otherwise, it would be just one long, uninterrupted flow before night fall.

Big noses

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I ask hubby what he misses most from life before the Luzon lockdown.

“Ramen,” he says then, “Eating out.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “I expected Nanay (mother) to be in there somewhere,” I tell him.

He waves a hand dismissively. “She's first, of course! That goes without saying.”

When daughter gets up later, I ask her the same thing over breakfast. “Friends,” she says immediately. She stays up late to go online with friends, sometimes for a Dungeons and Dragons session. It is fun, but not quite the same as when they are all in the same room playing, she says.

Monopoly

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I could not write yesterday. I was languishing in jail. Monopoly jail, that is.

Despite earlier pronouncements, I gave in to INSISTENT demand and played Monopoly, a classic fast-dealing property trading board game.

It’s my first time playing Monopoly so I just buy everything I can, even the “cheap” ones that hubby snubs. When I land in jail, the rent they pay for landing on my properties keeps me afloat. Haha!!!

I do get out of jail eventually, but the little money I have left is spent paying hubby and daughter rent when I land on THEIR properties. 

My luck takes a turn for the worst when I get chance or community chest cards that just require me to pay taxes or fines so I am actually relieved when I throw the dice and I am sent back to jail.

This is not my idea of fun.  But it is hard not to laugh when my daughter, who plays Monopoly with her friends, is winning much to the dismay of my very competitive husband, who argues every single point and insists on checking every single payment he has to make.

Again, I get out of Monopoly jail, but my luck does not improve. I have to mortgage my properties because I can no longer pay rent every time I land on any of their properties.

Can a game get any more depressing than this? It’s not enough that I am under lockdown; I have to go broke and land in jail for amusement too. I, the cook, who still has to prepare dinner in the real world.

Things are going to get real in a little while (cue evil laughter)…😈

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 26, 2020, the Philippines has reported 7,579 confirmed corona virus cases, including 862 recoveries and 501 deaths.

ECQ, still

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I didn’t write yesterday. I was too stressed out waiting for the President to make an announcement about what happens after April 30, which is when the ECQ is scheduled to end. He was supposed to go on air at 6 p.m., but surprise, surprise --- it didn't happen.

Still, that was a record for me - 41 consecutive days of writing about life under the Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) imposed over Luzon.

I realize now that I have it wrong. I started writing what has become a sort of journal because I did not want to forget the radical shift in our lives as caused by the coronavirus disease of 2019 (COVID-19). 

In hindsight, I was stupid to think that we could go back to our lives after an unspecified length of time. Maybe I should start writing about life BEFORE March 15, because it looks like this day-to-day existence is what we can look forward to, as long as there is no vaccine against COVID-19.

Broadcast institutions aired this morning a recorded announcement of the President which effectively extends the ECQ in high-risk areas like Metro Manila to May 15, 2020. Other areas too numerous to mention are included.

The moderate- and low-risk areas are luckier. Their quarantine status has been downgraded to General Community Quarantine (GCQ) effective May 1, 2020, pending more detailed guidelines from the Inter-Agency Task Force (IATF) on the management of emerging infectious diseases.

How different is GCQ from ECQ?

For GCQ areas, movement will no longer be restricted to one person per household. Those with ages 21 to 59 will be allowed to move around as long as they have a face mask, an ID and observe social distancing.  

Restricted mall opening covering non-leisure shops will be allowed as long as they do the mandatory temperature check, restrict entry to those with face masks and provide alcohol for disinfection. This includes supermarkets, drugstores, banks, laundry service shops, restaurants (for takeout or delivery only) and hardware stores.

                                                                                                   

Priority and essential construction projects will be allowed to resume, subject to minimum health standards, physical distancing and barracks for workers. Public transportation will operate at reduced capacity. Local government units (LGUs) will enforce curfew at night for non-workers.

Industries are categorized to determine the level of workforce that will be allowed to work: 

• Category 1 (100% workforce) includes agriculture, fisheries and forestry, food manufacturing and supply chain, food retail (supermarkets, restaurants for delivery and take out only), health care (hospitals, clinics and drugstores), logistics, water, energy, Internet, telecommunications and media.
• Category 2 (50-100% workforce allowed) covers other manufacturing (electronics, exports), e-commerce and delivery for essential and non-essential items, repair and maintenance services, housing and office services
• Category 3 (50% workforce on-site; 50% work from home) includes Financial services, BPO, other non-leisure services and wholesale and retail trade.

There were more guidelines but I ran out of steam. Besides, President Duterte started getting angry, threatening to enforce martial law and to kill all members of the New People's Army in the two years he has left as president. 

He also started calling critic and Senator Antonio Trillanes names before turning melancholic about the burden he bears as president. I got very distracted.

Hubby asks me why I am taking note of the less stringent guidelines under GCQ. He reminds me that we are under ECQ. This means that there is no change for us. We will only know if we have finally satisfied all of the parameters to be re-classified as under GCQ come May 16, 2020.

I am an optimist. What can I say?

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 24, 2020, the Philippines has reported 7,192 confirmed corona virus cases, including 762 recoveries and 477 deaths.

ECQ Violations

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I was hoping it would not come to this. The barangay outside our village gate is now under total lockdown. This means I will no longer be able to get our seafood, fruits and vegetables there.

In a news report posted online just a while ago, the barangay chief says they requested more than 60 personnel from the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) to assist them in the enforcement of lockdown measures. The total lockdown is effective until April 30, 2020.

The report does not say why, but it might be because government has intensified the drive against those caught violating ECQ protocols. As of April 20, 2020, the PNP counts 136,517 lockdown violators since the lockdown began mid-March. Of that number, 31,363 have been arrested, 6,168 fined, and 98,986 issued warnings.

The violations include non-observance of curfew hours, non-wearing of face masks outside the home and inability to present a quarantine pass.

The penalties have varied. Some of those caught violating ECQ rules were made to undergo an orientation on the importance of staying at home and observing social distancing, etc. 

Others were made to do push-ups and other body exercises, clean the streets, repack goods for distribution among the beneficiaries of the Social Amelioration Program, plant vegetables in the city nursery, among others.

In a desperate bid to impress upon them the gravity of their violations, one police official in Bacoor City, Cavite even brought 81 offenders to the cemetery.

"Bakit andito kayo sa sementeryo? Dahil ang lugar na ito ang pinaka-safe na lang dito na hindi tayo magkahawa-hawa. Kahit ano gawin niyo hindi na makakahawa ang mga patay na 'yan. Gusto niyong sumunod dyan? (Why are you here in the cemetery? You are safest here because whatever you do, you can no longer infect the dead. Do you want to be like them)?” he said in exasperation.

Some local government officials have resorted to extreme, controversial methods: incarcerating offenders in a dog cage in Barangay Gatid, Sta Cruz, Laguna; making them sit in the intense midday sun in Parañaque City, forcibly cutting their hair in Binondo, Manila and locking them up in a coffin in Cavite.

Even before the total lockdown, the road that runs through the barangay has been closed to vehicles. However, food stalls and stores, as well as two wet markets, along this street continue to draw buyers. Maybe that’s why reinforcements have been called in.

The news report quotes the barangay chief as saying that one member per household will still be allowed to do a food and/or medicine run as long as they wear a face mask and bring their quarantine pass. 

I am almost tempted to find out if given our proximity, we will still be allowed to enter the barangay. Almost, but not quite.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 22, 2020, the Philippines has reported 6,710 confirmed corona virus cases, including 693 recoveries and 446 deaths.

Face Mask model

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

At the start of the Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ), I did not wear a face mask when I stepped out of the house.

I heeded reports and public advisories, including the Department of Health’s (DoH), that said there is no need to wear one if one is not sick. I am also very mindful of the lack of face masks for medical personnel and figured that they need them more.

I did see more and more people in the groceries and markets wearing them or more accurately, wearing various versions of them. The turning point was when a military person stopped me in the wet market and politely asked me why I was not wearing one.

I told him that that I am just following DoH advice, that I am aware that frontliners like doctors and nurses and security officers like him need them more. He hesitated, but asked me firmly to wear one. I did not argue.

I dug out the surgical mask that we kept in our First Aid kit, but realized I could not wear that more than once.

AFP photo

I did not have to worry. Once it became apparent that we were not going to be able to enter grocery stores without face masks, vendors along the street outside our village gate started selling homemade, washable ones.

The cheapest went for P20 a piece; the sturdier ones cost P35 each.

I remember the first time I bought one. I was eyeing some fruits on a stall along the street when I notice cloth masks hanging nearby. When he sees me taking a closer look at the face masks, a young guy approaches me.

“Face mask, ma’am. P35 lang, maganda (beautiful),” he offers. When he sees me eyeing the surgical-looking ones that cost P20 a piece, he says, “Puwede rin yan, ma’am. Seksi yan (You can also get those. They’re sexy).”

By this time, I can tell he is gay. I turn to him in confusion. “Sexy? A sexy face mask?”

Photo c/o Ferdelyn Tabbay in ABS-CBN report

“Para lang yang bra (It’s just like a bra), ma’am. Eto, fully protected ka. Kitams (See)?” He fashions two cloth masks over his chest like a bra top and turns.

He then picks up the surgical-looking P20 face masks and replaces the cloth ones on his chest. “Eto, see-through kaya seksi,” he explains, to the amusement of fellow vendors nearby and anyone within hearing.

I have to laugh. “Ano ba talaga binebenta mo (What are you really selling), face mask o bra?”

“Manggaaaahh!!” he says with a flourish, sashaying down an imaginary catwalk in front of his display of mangoes on a nearby table.

He is hilarious. I buy two “sexy” face masks (because I did not like the color and  design of the cloth kind hehehe) from the real vendor and two kilos of mango from my enterprising gay friend.

I’ve seen a lot of YouTube tutorials on do-it-yourself face masks since then, and I have been meaning to make one.

Just recently, my sister showed us one she sewed by hand. It is plain and simple, just like I want and very much unlike the busy-looking ones outside.

I may just get around to it, unless the vendor outside comes up with new stock just like hers and his saleswoman of a friend models it for me.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 21, 2020, the Philippines has reported 6,599 confirmed corona virus cases, including 654 recoveries and 437 deaths.

A Reunion (of sorts)

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

The idea came up every now and then, but we never got around to seeing each other. Until now.

Earlier today, my batch mates and I met online. It’s been (mumble) years since we graduated from college. Two of them are in Chicago, one in Canada and four of us in the Philippines. There are three more who cannot join us, but we hope to see them next week.

Seeing their faces makes me wish we’d really made the effort during our younger years. I can imagine us meeting in a restaurant, eating good food, then transferring to a coffee shop and having great cake and pastries.

All the time, we’d be laughing and reminiscing, and undoubtedly getting a few frowns or tolerant smiles from those seated in the tables next to us.

We are still noisy, but four of us in the Philippines are sweating in the summer heat in our homes. It is dark for two, because it is night where they are. The one in Canada left early on to cook dinner.

One stays online while cooking breakfast and we tease her about her negligee as we catch glimpses of it when she moves around, preparing food. Those who just got out of bed are thankful that no smell, good or bad, comes across the Internet.

We greet one who is celebrating her birthday. We sing despite the absence of a cake. Maybe it's a good thing. At our age, there would have been too many candles anyway. 😅

We start by giving updates about ourselves. We are familiar with some of the stories because all of us have FB accounts, but it is good to hear details. It’s been a long time since we last talked.

It is when we start going into familiar territory that the fun begins. Some of our memories are accurate, and some downright funny. Our only guy starts singing the song we sang at the "Pasko sa UP" choral competition and the rest of us join him. 

One starts playing with the filters on her phone and I soon get burgers and pineapples and what looks like an '80s sweat band. There is much laughing and teasing. This lasts for about an hour before reality intrudes and we sign off.

It’s all right. There is still so much to talk about and we are not going anywhere under this lockdown.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 20, 2020, the Philippines has reported 6,459 confirmed corona virus cases, including 613 recoveries and 428 deaths.

Tiktok

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

Oh my goodness. I can barely breathe.

The company that my husband works for asks its employees, who are working from home, to do stuff that is supposed to help break the monotony of home quarantine and keep depression at bay.

At first, they are asked to post a picture of something creative, which earns a few laughs here and there and much ribbing. As intended, the stuff submitted provides a lot of comic relief.

After that, they are asked to sing a certain song and submit a video of them doing it, which is later edited into a compilation of all of them doing the song.

DJ Loonyo (YouTube)

This week, they are asked to film themselves doing the Frontliners Dance Challenge as popularized by DJ Loonyo, a dancer/ choreographer over TikTok. The short video is set to the music “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten.

Not only is hubby nearing retirement age, he has two left feet and no sense of rhythm. He has heard of TikTok but has not downloaded the app. Nonetheless, he checks out the link his office gives him then turns to me for help. I have to take a video of him doing the dance challenge.

Of course, I oblige. What are wives for?

He studies the moves. Tries them out. Studies the moves. Tries ever so hard. I can’t help it. I study the moves. I dance with him. I feel like crying. I actually cry, from laughing so hard. So does he.

I can barely contain my laughter and keep the camera still while recording him. Again. Again, and yet again. It does not seem like we are getting anywhere with this, but we persist. We are having too much of a good time.

Whoever it is in their company who thought of this is on to something. It's certainly taken our mind off COVID-19, even for just a few hours.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 19, 2020, the Philippines has reported 6,259 confirmed corona virus cases, including 572 recoveries and 409 deaths.

K-dramas

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

Time can really fly when you’re glued to the screen or the monitor, which is probably why so many of those forced to stay home under the Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) turn to Netflix.

My sisters are among those who do, so in our video calls the talk inevitably goes to who’s watching what and which episode. These days, it’s all about Korean drama (K-drama).

L-R: Lee Min Ho (Neflix) and Hyun Bin (Esquire)

I find out I am one of those who have not watched “Crash Landing on You.” I also have to search for Lee Min Ho and Hyun Bin on Google so that I can understand why one sister “prefers” the former to the latter. I get lost when someone else mentions “Goblin”. When I find out it is the guy who stars in the movie “Train to Busan” which I really like, I am sold.

But I cannot keep up. The avowed K-drama fan mentions other titles, which I know I will not watch. The only one that is familiar to me is “Descendants of the Sun” because I read a news report of a Filipino remake, which my sister dismisses as she prefers to watch the original.

I am amused by their passion, but I do not judge them for it. I went through “Flor de Luna”, “Mulawin”, “Encantadia” before I graduated to cable TV and found “Downton Abbey”, “The Walking Dead” and “NCIS”, among others.  Now a housewife, I find that I am easily distracted so I prefer not to watch a story that stretches over numerous episodes in several seasons.

So when multi-awarded director Erik Matti takes to Twitter to express his frustration over the Filipino’s preference for K-drama, which he describes as “faux Cinderella stories with belofied actors whiter than white,” that are “all about love in the midst of this pandemic,”  I am amused.

The local film and TV industry is not doomed because South Korean series and movies dominate the top 10 most viewed shows on the streaming platform Netflix.

Netflix, despite its popularity, is not the sole barometer of our viewing preferences, especially because in our country, television still rules despite the rise of digital.  

Matti knows this, in the same way that as a director, he is very much aware of escapism - you know, the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment.

I don’t know what he was thinking, but judging from the responses, I think he is getting the attention the tweet deserves.

If he wants Filipinos to be more picky and cerebral about their viewing preferences, he should just come up with an option. Otherwise, let us be. If we do not want to view material depicting social realities, it’s because we’re in one right now, big-time.

“It is the Korean dramas that are getting me through the isolation,” is the simple explanation my sister offers when she sees his tweet.

That’s it, really. That’s all there is to it.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 18, 2020, the Philippines has reported 6,087 confirmed corona virus cases, including 516 recoveries and 397 deaths.

Following rules

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I am so tired. I sat in line for an hour and a half to get into the supermarket. It took me about an hour to get everything I need. Then it took me about an hour STANDING in line to pay for everything.

After about 20 minutes with the line barely moving, the man behind me got smart, took the gallon of ice cream out of his cart and returned it to the supermarket freezer.

I thought I’d timed it right. I was at the supermarket at 3:15 p.m., close enough to 5 p.m., when the guards would close the doors on would-be customers to give those who were already inside enough time to do their groceries before the closing time of 7 p.m.

By the time it was my turn to pay, it was 7:35 p.m. You can bet I was watching the clock all the time. I made it home with just minutes to spare before the 8 p.m. curfew. I was all nerves. Never again.

Yes, I am one of those people who follow rules. So I get upset when I see all of these people on TV leaving their homes to play bingo with their neighbors, or attending and betting on a cockfight with their barangay chief in attendance, or having themselves tested for COVID-19 before those who show symptoms of infection.

I seethe when I see two people buying groceries together, in flagrant violation of the provision that only one person should leave the house should there be a need to get food and/or medicine.

I see what they do: One person stands in line while the other does the shopping, leaving very little time queuing up for the cashier. It is efficient. But it is unfair and crafty at this time. 

Those violating the rules do not wait long at all; they get home earlier than the rest of us. Yes, I wish them all sorts of things in my head – none of them good.

I also cannot understand why people think a barangay pass is a permit to cross to the next city just so they can get their choice cut of beef or the other luxuries they are accustomed to. I get doubly annoyed when they post a photo of the goods and I find myself green with envy.

I cannot believe the number of people who get caught on the streets past the 8 p.m. curfew and how they can look very relaxed as they justify why they are not yet inside their homes.

I only know that I drove very fast to make it home before the curfew. It was only at the sight of the village gates that I felt waves of relief wash over me, and I felt myself slowing down.

I tell you. I am so tired.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 17, 2020, the Philippines has reported 5,878 confirmed corona virus cases, including 487 recoveries and 387 deaths.

Who receives?

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

Today, the Department of Labor and Employment (DOLE) announced it has stopped accepting applications for the COVID-19 Adjustment Measures Program (CAMP).

They say that the CAMP budget of P1.6B “is very nearly depleted.” Later, they qualify that DOLE has stopped CAMP applications because the Department of Finance is rolling out its own program for the middle-class, particularly the wage subsidy program.

I think that after DOLE relaxed the documentary requirements and assured employer-applicants that all information provided will not come back to bite them EVER (think unregistered business, double ledger systems, etc.), the deluge was overwhelming.

This goes back again to the fact that there is an underground economy, that small businesses are able to operate despite the lack of permits, sanitary requirements, and non-compliance with labor rules, etc. 

Why the non-compliance? It is so hard to start and sustain a business in the Philippines because of the ONEROUS PROCESSES and RED TAPE that enterprising “fixers” and corrupt government employees are so quick to take advantage of. 

If your pockets aren't deep enough, you're already operating at a loss even before you can start your business. 

This also tells you why the Department of Trade and Industry does not have an accurate data base of businesses, just like the Department of Social Welfare and Development cannot really determine who are the poorest of the poor or the number of families that should be the beneficiaries of the Social Amelioration Program (SAP).

For National Government to adequately serve the Filipino citizenry, they have to go back to the SMALLEST local government unit, which is the barangay. If the barangay cannot even give the numbers, who can?

Barangay officials, however, are so far from the national coffers that they do what they can with what they have, which is not a lot. Some of the tanods are not even on the payroll; they make do with an allowance.

This crisis is teaching us that when government does not have the mechanism to accurately identify its target beneficiaries, aid to those affected will be a loooong time coming, if at all.

News reports carry a version of it every day: barangay so and so appealing for inclusion in the SAP; senior citizens complaining they have not received anything, etc. and etc.

I wish the government thinktank will FINALLY prioritize addressing this inefficiency because it looks like there will still be more interventions, which have to be adequate not only in terms of amount, but also in coverage.

If this does not happen, Government shall have failed miserably and no amount of threatening, ranting, and cursing by our president on late night TV will make up for it.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 16, 2020, the Philippines has reported 5,660 confirmed corona virus cases, including 435 recoveries and 362 deaths.

Social and good media

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

My phone has been noisy all day with message alerts from the various social media groups that I have joined.

It’s not just the food groups. I am part of two community groups managed by residents within our subdivision as well as another created by our barangay officials. I also follow the official FB accounts of our parish, the City Government and a rather tech-savvy barangay councilor.

Because of these groups, I have learned that:

• The street outside our gate, where the wet market and food vendors are located, has been barricaded off to vehicles (which is why I now park near the gate and walk the rest of the way);
• Deliveries are limited to Gate 1, requiring residents to pick up the goods there;
• Gate 2 has been opened to decongest traffic at Gate 1, but only to accommodate exiting vehicles (which I have used because the area outside Gate 1 area has become parking space for those who did not know about the barricade and who found nowhere else to park their vehicles);
• At least six tricycles have been allowed by the association to operate within the subdivision to enable those without transportation to pick up the food deliveries at Gate 1;
• Residents have set up a tricycle drivers’ fund for the TODA (Tricycle Operators and Drivers' Association) that plies our streets, and has twice distributed food packs since the start of the enhanced community quarantine (which is the best thing I have learned about our community) 💗;
• The association has arranged for fruits, vegetable and seafood vendors to accommodate orders via phone or online, with the goods ready for pickup via “drive-through” near the church on Saturdays;
• Seniors and persons with disabilities can call the security office to have identified utility workers do the groceries for them at stores within the subdivision;
• There are stores within the subdivision that now accept orders via phone (which I have availed of, thank you);
• Residents in the next subdivision have received relief packs (which makes me a little green with envy, I must admit) 😁;
• The route of the Procession of the Holy Eucharist (on wheels) last Good Friday includes our street (which gave us time to set up a small altar outside the house) 🙏; and
• The nearby seminary livestreams masses (which we like since we attended Sunday mass there before the lockdown). 

From these groups, I also have access to news relevant to our community and/or barangay that have been culled from reputable news sources.

I have always maintained that there is nothing wrong with social media as a communications platform. It is only when it is abused that it casts a shadow on the good it can achieve.

It feels good to be right.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 15, 2020, the Philippines has reported 5,453 confirmed corona virus cases, including 353 recoveries and 349 deaths.

Food talk

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I have a friend who is my go-to resource for stuff, particularly food.

You mention a restaurant, she will tell you their best dish. Mention a dish and she'll tell you where it is available or the outlet that prepares the most delicious version of it. Mention a locality, and she will tell you what pasalubong you should bring home and where to get it.

I swear by her. She does not disappoint, especially now that some food items are hard to come by because they are off the shelves under the lockdown. She got me into Facebook and Viber food groups that I never knew existed.

I tell you, it is pure temptation. Every time I receive a message alert, I steel myself to resist wants. I go through staples like rice, fish, eggs, fruits and vegetables carefully but am quick to swipe off the tempting sight of cakes, cookies, native delicacies, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, etc.

My friend prefers to have goods delivered because she is afraid of exposing herself to the coronavirus disease (COVID-19).  I am not as open to delivery because they cost more, plus I like my fish fresh and not frozen. I also like being able to pick out fruits and vegetables in the quantities that we need.

I also think the food vendors that I frequent outside need my money more. I am nodding acquaintances with most of them and some, who I patronize, always give me a warm welcome… maybe even warmer now.

Then, there’s the chance to leave the house. With the road blocked off to vehicles, I leave the car near the gate and walk the rest of the way. I welcome the exercise. I go early when the sun is still friendly and the produce has just been laid out.

Of course, I am careful. With my quarantine pass on a string around my neck and my face mask on, I stop at stalls, careful to keep my distance from other buyers and close in only when there is space. I am careful not to touch the hand of the seller when I give money and receive change. It’s OK. I notice that they exercise the same care, too.

I do not touch my face, even when moisture starts to gather under the mask because of the humidity. I am not particularly mindful of how I look. I am in decent house clothes, just like everybody else. Besides, no one is looking. We are all just intent on buying what we need as fast as we can without getting too close to anyone.

When I have everything I need, I set the bags carefully on newspaper laid on the floor of the car. I get the alcohol and disinfect my hands before I touch the wheel. When I get home, I leave my slippers outside and get into another pair I left near the door. I then carry the bags to the kitchen where our help will clean them up as best as she can, including the surface where I laid them. She has plastic gloves on.

Meanwhile, I shower. I also disinfect my quarantine pass, the car keys, my phone and wash my face mask. I also set aside my soiled clothes and towel in a basin, to be washed separately.

I check that all food stuff has been sorted out in their shelves and containers. By this time, our help has also thrown out the newspaper on the car floor and wiped down the car door handles and steering wheel. She has also washed her hands.

The whole thing is tedious, even paranoid, I know, but necessary. Last Sunday, hubby left the house on a pretext to gas up a tank that was still almost full and came back with ice cream. He is incredulous when I make him walk into the house barefoot, get the bag from him and direct him to the shower.

Of course he resists and argues, then argues some more before he finally gives in. When he’s clean, he declares it’s the last time he leaves the house under the lockdown. Yeah, right.

Meanwhile, my phone goes off yet again and I laugh when I see that my friend has sent me a very appetizing and tempting photo of biko which she has just bought.

I tell her that if she keeps it up, I might give in. I will gain even more weight, while my wallet will get very lean.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 14, 2020, the Philippines has reported 5,223 confirmed corona virus cases, including 295 recoveries and 335 deaths.

A month

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I can’t believe it. It’s been a month and I have managed to write every day.

I thought it would be difficult looking for topics, but there is actually stuff I am editing out.

Most of them have to do with negativity – in terms of what people post on social media, how they unnecessarily risk exposure to the coronavirus disease (COVID-19), the discrimination that frontliners are subjected to despite the herculean jobs they are doing, government efforts that go unnoticed, government inefficiencies that put people into predicaments - economic and healthwise… The list goes on and on.

I am aware that I have glossed over the impact of the lockdown on daily wage earners or the slow government aid that is coming their way. I haven't even gone into the bravery of individuals who actually give more than money.

I have not discussed government’s strategy in terms of flattening the curve, what we are doing better than our ASEAN neighbors if that can be said at all. Or what we are already doing so that we can slowly grow our economy. 

That part, I must admit, goes over my head. To go into that would stretch my brain power, at the end of which I still do not think I would make sense. Or know what I am talking about.

But I am an ordinary citizen, who is trying to keep this real while making life at home as bearable as I can so that we can keep safe, and not add to the statistics that already keep all those brave healthcare workers away from their families and homes.

We are being told that we are the first line of defense. When we keep leaving our homes and exposing ourselves to contact with probable carriers of the COVID-19, we breach that defense.

I should feel good. I should. But most of the time, I feel I am just hiding and waiting this out.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 13, 2020, the Philippines has reported 4,932 confirmed corona virus cases, including 242 recoveries and 315 deaths.

Happy Easter

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

I have very basic food in the house. I realize that as soon as I start looking for something nice to prepare for Easter Sunday.

The Lord is risen. It’s a time for rejoicing. Easter Sunday is the most important holiday in the Christian calendar because Jesus’ resurrection is a fulfillment of God’s promises to mankind.

I do not even have dessert.

I look through my ref and decide that it’s still going to be a one-viand meal, like it’s been under the lockdown. I make bistek tagalog for lunch and that’s it, with rice. That’s more than a lot of people have under the lockdown, but I decide that we can do with a little more today.

I look through my online sources and decide we will have pizza as a mid-afternoon snack. Our favorite pizza place is closed so I try one that’s open, nearby and delivers.

It comes after more than an hour and I have to go out to the village gate to get it, as stipulated by the housing association as part of precautionary measures against COVID-19.

Of course, everyone is excited. NOW, it is Easter Sunday. Everyone is in a celebratory mood, which slowly subsides when we open the box. It IS pizza, but a gummy-looking one. Worse, it’s a gummy-tasting one. Our dog takes one sniff and ambles off. The pup, always an adventurous one, jumps up for a morsel and promptly spits it out.

We eat it, of course. No one wastes food at this time.  The amount we paid for that pizza was about the cost of a meal.

Credit: Vatican Media/CNA

We decide that the Easter Sunday celebration need not hinge on a meal, so we prepare to go online and “attend” Mass at the Manila Cathedral as previously planned. But at the last minute, hubby decides we are going to St. Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican and listen to the pope instead.

I have no quarrel with that. I just thought that a Mass in English or Filipino would be easier to follow, especially since we’d already attended a Sunday Mass online at St. Peter’s before this and found ourselves struggling with Latin.

Again, we rely on our familiarity with the Mass to participate and respond, although in English. We are grateful every time an English translation is provided. This way, we are able to fully understand the Pope's call for solidarity in the face of the “epochal challenge” posed by the coronavirus pandemic.

We stay on for his Urbi et Orbi message and hear him echo the hope in our hearts when he ends it with a prayer:

"May Christ, who has already defeated death and opened for us the way to eternal salvation, dispel the darkness of our suffering humanity and lead us into the light of his glorious day, a day that knows no end."

Happy Easter, everyone.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 12, 2020, the Philippines has reported 4,648 confirmed corona virus cases, including 197 recoveries and 297 deaths.

Semantics

(Part of an ongoing account started on March 13, 2020 of how the spread of COVID-19 in our country and our government’s response has affected our lives.)

When someone mentions “Black Saturday,” the memory that comes to mind isn’t exactly religious in nature.

It’s about a dark-skinned childhood friend, who I greeted a “Happy Birthday” after a mutual friend told me it was her natal day. I had no idea I was being duped and the supposed birthday celebrator wasn’t amused either.

That was years ago, but memories have a way of coming up when you’ve been cooped up in the house for almost a month now. I remember Black Saturdays past when my sisters and I and our families would gather in our home province, and we would eat out in a nice restaurant. 

That seems so long ago now.

In a little while, I will go online for the Easter Vigil mass. I am ticking off all the Lenten traditions this year, some of which we did not even observe in the past – like the Easter Vigil mass.

It gives me a sense of comfort. I do not like to watch TV or Netflix for any extended amount of time. I find myself picking up the same book and starting on the same paragraph. I keep tuned to the news and the numbers just keep going up.

It doesn’t matter that it’s Black Saturday. There is no Lenten break for COVID-19. Today, the Department of Health (DoH) counts 233 new cases, bringing the country total to 4,428.

The DoH also re-classified COVID-19 cases into “suspect”, “probable” and “confirmed” today. There’s speculation that the re-classification is made because the health department is going to start mass testing, and the persons under monitoring (under the old classification) will not be included.

Oh wait. It’s not mass testing. It’s supposed to be called extended testing because it’s really just a continuation of the testing that the DoH is making, but more will be done now that there are more accredited subnational laboratories nationwide.

Semantics.  It reminds me of the effort made early on to distinguish between a lockdown and an enhanced community quarantine, when it’s really one and the same thing.

I should know. I’m under both.

DoH update: As of 4 p.m. of April 11, 2020, the Philippines has reported 4,428 confirmed corona virus cases, including 157 recoveries and 247 deaths.