Tuesday, October 24, 2017


Warning: long read

We lost our dog, Bailey, yesterday.

She was of mixed breed (Shi Tzu and Chihuahua), bought from a stall in the old market in Batangas City at a price haggled from PhP4,000 to PhP2,500 with two kilos of dog food and inoculation thrown into the bargain.

It became a joke that my husband would repeat about Bailey. That and the fact that once exasperated at how she would pick at her food, I told her “huwag kang aarte-arte dyan at pinulot ka lang sa mercado (don’t you put on airs with me; it’s not like we didn’t get you at the wet market).”

I did not want her or any dog, but conceded to my husband and my daughter’s wish for one on the condition that the dog we would get would be small and manageable and that they would take care of the pet.

These two outvoted me on getting a dog.
So my daughter ignored the squiggly and noisy brown and white pup sharing the cage and picked up the more docile black and white one whom she named Bailey.

Dog in the house

We had no idea what we had gotten ourselves into, which became very apparent once we reached the house. We had to look for an old plastic container to serve as her dog dish and fashion an old carton with a rug for her sleeping quarters. I frowned because I knew I’d have to get the dish and maybe a dog bed since my husband was working the next day.

I frowned even more as the days went by. Bailey had learned to get out of the box and urinated everywhere.  It took some training and a lot of wiping up with the house smelling of urine and cleanser before the puppy learned to go to the front door to be taken out.

I also didn't want her in the bedrooms, which were located on the upper level of the split-level house that we occupied in Batangas City. It took a while but she eventually learned to stop short at the step leading to the rooms.

Another baby

I got cranky when it became apparent to me that weekly visits to the vet were a must during her puppy years. The man who sold her to us in May 2015 told us she was around three months old at the time so we just assumed she’d been born February 2015. When the vet handed me a booklet which suspiciously looked like the one that I had to carry every time I visited my daughter’s pediatrician years back, I knew we’d gotten ourselves another baby.

She loved to snuggle in their shoes.
All I’d feared had come true. All the training, feeding, washing, cleaning up and going to the vet was left to me and the help.

My husband and daughter? They enjoyed Bailey. They cuddled the cute little beast who would snuggle in their shoes. 

Bailey would go into
her lap every time she sat on
the stair landing to put on her socks.

My daughter would sit on the stair landing and the pest would automatically go into her lap, a ritual they continued even when we moved back to Manila.

Bailey wanted in on the noontime nap.

As for hubby, he’d come home for lunch and after eating, would prop his head with throw pillows and take a nap on the three-seater in our living room with her on his chest while she was a pup and later, beside him when she got bigger.

She learned to lie quietly on the sofa beside my daughter when she was studying, sometimes climbing on to my daughter’s lap which made me wonder if any studying was getting done.

If Bailey had a list of “people I love,” I’d come in last after the help. After all, I was the one who yelled at her and slapped the floor with a slipper, sending her scurrying for cover whenever she did something wrong. I was the one who took her to the vet which she soon associated with pain. I was the one who adopted the stern warning tone when she refused to eat her food.

But she loved me nonetheless. No matter how angry I’d get, she’d greet me with so much joy when I’d come out of the bedroom in the morning. She’d follow me around the house and settle at my feet when I’d work on the computer. She’d lick me every chance she got which was not often.

And I loved her back even if I grumbled at the amount of time, money and effort I was spending on her. I bought the leash and tried to train her because I was afraid she would get run over if left to run by herself. I bought her toys, even treats – saying that my daughter wanted them for Bailey. I looked for the soap that would heal her itchy skin and bought her a soft rug so she could lie on it under my daughter’s bed. And though I hated it, I brought her to the vet as often as I needed to. I was gruff about it but I loved her. I love her still.

The vet says it was an infection that got her. It had crept up on us and by the time we noticed it and sought help, it was too late. We, well I especially, mistook her loss of appetite for her being a picky eater.

She was being fed intravenously when I left her at the vet yesterday morning. I was supposed to call back at 2:30 p.m. for her blood test results. The phone rang before 2 p.m. The vet said it happened so fast. Bailey was only about three years old.

Hubby got home as soon as he could. I was out when he arrived so I did not see him break down upon seeing Bailey.

A daily thing no more.
My daughter cried all the way home from school and whimpered when she saw the blanket-covered body of her dog. I shielded her from the sight and walked with her till she collapsed by the stairs sobbing. It hit me. There was to be no more snuggling on the stair landing. Bailey was gone and my heart twisted in a way I never thought possible. I didn’t know who I was crying for – the dog we loved and lost or my daughter who was dealing with so much pain.

I will never know the contents of the letter that my daughter wrote and which we buried with Bailey in our yard. I would like to believe that in writing her goodbye to Bailey, she was able to process her feelings.

All I know was that when we woke up this morning, I didn’t want to open the door. I knew there would be no Bailey wagging her tail, beside herself with joy at seeing me.

He usually caved in under her
hypnotic stare and gave her food.
The house feels empty. There's no small dog following us around. I go up and down the stairs half expecting to hear the patter of Bailey's feet as she sought to keep up. We sit down for meals and I can’t help but look down by my husband’s chair where she would sit up ramrod straight, willing hubby to look at her and give her food, which he always did.

Around this time yesterday, I had kept my hand on Bailey’s neck while she was being examined by the vet. I had no idea it would be the last time she would feel my touch. Had I known, I would have willed all our love into that touch so that she would feel it. I pray to God that she knew just how much she was loved. Because she was. She is.